I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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