Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you guys were way drunker than both of me
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
