let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
worst night to have a conscience
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
