my mouth tastes like poor choices
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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