I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
