so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Randomize
