I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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