i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
