sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
