i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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