I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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