no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
