i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
