Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
