Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
