he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
