I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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