...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
