While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
