So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
