so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
