So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
