just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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