i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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