so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
