Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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