WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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