If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
