i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
