You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
