he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
