so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
