Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
