Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
