p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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