You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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