You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
