I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
