Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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