Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Randomize
