Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
