you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I skipped work to stalk him.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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