I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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