this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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