you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
And then he peed in my hair
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