One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
