So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
