MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
