Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
