What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
