I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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